I’m qualified for the job, and I’ll tell you why

EDIT: This is an OLD post from a former dating coaching company I worked for

One of the easiest ways people will try and dismiss advice from anyone in the adult industry is by saying, “The girls are just whores porn stars.” Some will say that our moral compass is askew just because we are willing to do things publicly that others only do behind closed doors. Among the other stereotypes we get, I’d like to break this stigma right now by addressing certain issues people will use against us.

1. Why should we take advice from a slut porn star, who is probably a junkie?

Just like any industry – law, medicine, computer programming, etc – there are users and addicts. You can’t limit the world of junkies to just one profession; there are addicts everywhere. They could be your next door neighbor. They could be a co-worker. They could be your mailman. They could even be a close relative, and you wouldn’t even know it. We aren’t all “junkies” and not all of us like to party. Quite the contrary, actually. A lot of us are into health and fitness, working out and meal prepping and taking care of our bodies. After all, we make a living in front of the camera, so naturally, we like to maintain our bodies with a healthy lifestyle. On an additional side note: Some of us are even educated or are even juggling both school and work.

2. Porn Stars have daddy issues and/or come from broken homes

ANYONE can have daddy issues; it doesn’t matter what line of work you’re in. Personally, I do not come from a broken home, and both of my parents are still married 31 years later and going strong. When I first started working in the adult entertainment business, I chose to do so because of my love of sex and having the freedom to explore my sexuality on film. Yes, my family is fully aware of my decisions, and that has not changed their love for me. It is your choice to accept this fact, and it’s not my problem if you cannot.

3. Why should I take sex advice from a Porn Star, when she’s probably diseased?

Ah, the oldest and most ignorant stereotype there is. Did you know that a person is more at risk of contracting HIV from someone they meet out and about than they would from a porn star? Porn performers are required to test every 14 days in order to shoot scenes. But let’s talk quickly about HIV, shall we? There is a “window period,” which is the time it takes the body to produce antibodies after HIV infection has begun. For the vast majority of those who will test positive, antibodies to HIV will develop within 4-6 weeks after exposure. Some will take a little longer to develop antibodies. Instead of using an ELISA test to test for HIV, we use NAT Methodology (Nucleic Acid Amplification Testing) – Nucleic Acid Testing (NAT) is a nucleic acid amplification technology that includes polymer chain reaction (PCR) to detect certain viral components. NAT enables the earliest and most sensitive detection of disease-causing human viruses in blood and plasma donations. NAT can also detect RNA or DNA from a very small number of virus particles and can reduce the window period by detecting the infection earlier. This type of test is done every 14 days along with other STD testing in order for a performer to perform in adult films. The average person, who does not work in porn (a civilian), typically only knows what their status is from their YEARLY physical. One in eight people are living with HIV and are unaware of their infection, yet porn stars are fully aware of their status every two weeks. When was the last time YOU got tested?

4. “Porn Stars know less about dating than civilians; they never have to work for sex.”

I wholeheartedly disagree with this statement. It not only perpetuates the stereotype that women in porn will spread their legs for just about anyone, it also insinuates that women in porn don’t have normal dating lives. Yes, surprise – we’re human too. Here’s the thing. “Porn stars know less about dating than civilians; they never have to work for sex.” You can say this about any “hot chick,” not just women, who do porn for a living. What separates us from – say – a FORD Model, for example, is that a model could lose her contract with JC Penney if she was found speaking candidly about sex, whether it was to give advice or not. Because women in porn are already exposed completely, we are comfortable enough to openly give sex advice in a more honest way than a model would, who is afraid of losing a gig by doing so and thus would hold back when asked questions in regards to sex. There are many gorgeous women out there, who don’t do porn, that would not freely talk about sex-related topics because society wants them to believe it’s not “lady-like.” We see blood, guts and murder on TV everyday, but universe forbid we see some sex – the one thing that created us.

But let’s get back to this whole, “Porn Stars know less about dating,” bullshit. As a woman, who started working in the adult entertainment industry in late 2003 (nearly 12 years ago), I have seen and done it all…all while maintaining long term relationships with civilians. I’m 30 years old. You can call me sexually liberated or uninhibited; I know what I like and what I want. I’ve had relationships flourish as well as ones that reached its end…just like any normal human. Sure, I can “get what I want, when I want it,” but you can say that about ANY woman – porn or not. That doesn’t mean I know less about dating just because of what I have done over the years or because of who I am. If anything, I know PLENTY because I have learned from all my past relationships.

When it comes to helping others, whether it’s to teach, give sex advice or be the best wing girl a guy could ask for, we qualify for the job. We know what it’s like to date because we have relationships just like any other human. “What about dating and/or picking up women? Surely, you have no experience in that arena other than sleeping with women on camera,” one person could rebuttle. Well, I’ve slept with women and have been in living relationships with women before I even started working in the adult film business. We’re women. Period. Who is better to tell you what women like than a sexually-free woman with an open-mind, who legitimately dates and sleeps with women? We know what other women like and can tell you with confidence what to do and what not to. Before you go on questioning, “Why Porn Stars?” – consider all of these things before you cast your judgment upon us.